Diary

I've decided to continue reading a biography of Simone de Beauvoir that I recently started, even though I don't think that it will provide a full picture of her. The problem with de Beauvoir is that she wrote mountains of memoirs while conveniently omitting a lot of important information. I think that some of that has come out since she died, but there does not appear to be a high-quality biography that covers all aspects of her life. That could easily be one-thousand pages long, and the one I'm reading is less than three-hundred, excluding the notes. De Beauvoir is currently on my second tier of imaginary friends, because I don't consider her completely honest. I may also place Carson McCullers in the second tier, because she was a lot of fun, but she loses points for not being intellectual enough. I like some poets so much that Emily Dickinson or Denise Levertov might also become second-tier imaginary friends. My only current first-tier imaginary friend is still George Eliot, and I've read so much about her already that I may know her better than her own family did.  

I've been thinking about my criteria for imaginary friends, and will write a little about that today. First I should discuss why I have imaginary friends. In my case, these friends represent a thinking or style with which I can identify. Rather than imagining them as invisible people in the room with me, they are more like figureheads for some of the things that interest me. You may wonder why none of my imaginary friends are male. That is because there is much that I dislike about male behavior: competitiveness, grandiosity and superficiality. These traits can also be found in women, but they are usually less conspicuous. It may simply be that men are generally more stunted emotionally than women. I think that George Eliot, as a novelist, was occasionally able to convey her nuanced reaction to life better than anyone else, including Gustave Flaubert. Similarly, in my opinion, Emily Dickinson and Denise Levertov may occupy a rarefied class of poets.

Although I've never had completely successful relationships with women, I barely had any successful relationships with men. My male friendships have tended to be superficial and transient. It may be relevant that I'm not gay, but I always notice crudity in men that isn't as readily apparent in women, though there are some masculine women around. When I read fiction or poetry, I am likely to tune out male writers faster than female writers, but most of the females eventually get screened out too. There are good male writers of fiction, poetry and nonfiction, but I usually detect an element of vocational expediency that reduces their interest to me. The writers I like don't have gimmicks. 

In other news, as you might expect, I am still having difficulty finding good films. I just watched "North by Northwest," a classic Alfred Hitchcock film. I enjoyed it and thought that it was well-made, but it's not my favorite Hitchcock film. I like Eva Marie Saint, and apparently Hitchcock personally coached her for her role. I thought that she did an excellent job portraying a complex woman – something that you rarely see in films these days. She also appeared in "On the Waterfront." I was amazed to learn that someone who worked with Alfred Hitchcock, Marlon Brando and Cary Grant is still alive. She is one-hundred years old!

The snow has all melted here, and I'm watching the birds at the feeder. A few minutes ago there was a Carolina wren, which I hadn't seen before. There is more activity at the feeder now than there was at this time last year because of the snow. The goldfinch count is still very low.

In the Trump department, I am getting used to his return, and, though there are still ominous elements, as a practical matter, I don't think that he will have much effect on me, so I don't waste time on him. The main way that he could actually have an adverse effect on me personally would be to cause an economic collapse, with a stock market crash. At present, much of my discretionary income comes from investments, and another stock market crash would adversely affect me financially. However, whatever he says, he is actually in the pockets of Wall Street and the billionaire's club, and he heeds their directives like a crybaby – so I'm not losing sleep over that at the moment.